Category Archives: The Random Ones
Today we put our dog down.
We’ve known it was coming for a while. In November the vet told us it was a matter of weeks.
Fast forward to mid-April and his body finally gave out and he was unable to stand on his own.
I could tell you that he was the best dog in the world but that wouldn’t be truthful.
He was quirky and skittish.
When he was a puppy he chewed a hole in the wall of our rental apartment.
He nipped at my kids numerous times & he was impatient with all children (we would lock him up when people came over).
He barked too much and literally stole food from our hands.
I kicked him out of our home twice as a puppy because I couldn’t handle his idiosyncrasies but I always took him back because he was a part of our family and I couldn’t imagine life without him.
He loved us unconditionally.
He protected us fiercely.
He was the smartest dog I have ever encountered.
When we moved into our current home he instinctively knew where the property lines were and never did his business outside of those lines.
He knew that when I put lip gloss on it meant that I was leaving the house and he would bark incessantly .
He was somehow able to distinguish between when I was gone for everyday errands and when I left for uncommon reasons. He was in a panic when I returned, thinking I might never come home again.
When I miscarried several years ago he laid at my feet for hours while I wept, occasionally putting his face in my lap to remind me that I still had him.
He was my Marley and I was his Jennifer Aniston. (Well, if Jennifer was a 5’5″ overweight brunette with a big nose and and a pension for biting sarcasm. 🙂 )
You will be missed, Cy, and I’m pretty certain that doggie heaven has an endless buffet of pizza and bread just for you.
This one is worth five minutes of your day. Trust me.
And a couple of images of my best girl….the one I live for, breathe for, love….
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As summer comes to a close I was looking through photos I’ve taken and realized I haven’t done a very good job of documenting our everyday life & an even worse job of editing and printing them. It is partly due to the fact that the kids are getting older and are doing their own thing and partly due to the fact that I once again got caught up in the mindset that every photo has to be perfect. I forgot that sometimes it’s OK to just snap the shot and love it for what it is: a moment of our lives that we will never get back…moments I don’t want to forget.
So, here is a sampling of Summer 2009: highly imperfect, sometimes blurry, mostly out of order and largely unedited, but all taken with love….
It has been almost four years since you left me and I still find myself picking up the phone to call you.
I want to tell you about the funny things my kids have said or done.
I want to show you the story Noah wrote about you in first grade that still hangs on my refrigerator.
I want to tell you about the beautiful, complicated, incredible woman Kayla is becoming.
I want to talk to you about report cards, field trips, and boyfriends.
I want to brag to you about hockey games and volleyball tournaments.
I want to cry to you during the times that I can no longer bear to be their mother.
I want to tell you that Sara is my best friend.
I want to tell you that we still go to Hinckley every July to celebrate your birthday.
I want you to know that everyone still talks about you.
I want you to understand how much you were loved by your husband, your ex-husband, your children, your grandchildren, your siblings, your nieces & nephews, your friends, your neighbors….
I want you to know that you left a mark on this world.
I want to hold you in my arms one last time and tell you how sorry I am for all I put you through.
I want to know that you forgave me.
I want to tell you how much I learned from you.
I want to sit with you in the livingroom with nothing to say and listen to you breathe, thinking that you will be with me forever.
And there are the things that I wish I didn’t have to do but would not have given up for the world:
Decorating your bedroom.
Sitting with you on the couch going over the the list of people to call when you died.
Discussing your pallbearers.
Shopping for the outfit you would wear.
Explaining what was happening to you for the hundredth time.
Getting the Mickey Mouse wine glass for your water.
Calling your family when you said it was time.
Reassuring you that we had pickles and turkey for Thanksgiving.
Explaining to you that we were not going anywhere even though you knew that you were going somewhere soon.
Trying my best to comfort you in those final minutes when you were hot, scared, and breathless.
Writing your eulogy.
I think my biggest regret in those final months is that I let someone else read my thoughts on your life at the funeral. I hate that I allowed a stranger speak those words because he did not give them the emotion they deserved. I like to think, however, that you heard it all and knew that it came from my heart.
You were always my true north, even when I didn’t know it. You were my soft place to land and my hard dose of reality. You were the one on whom I depended and the one who knew when to allow me to fail. You were my anchor and my life vest. You were my everything.
Mom, you were not perfect but you were still amazing.
I love you and miss you.
My Darling Children:
While writing “Wash Me” on the rear windshield of my car may seem funny to you, all it does is earn you a bucket of soapy water and 2 sponges so you can do the honors yourselves. Consider it a life lesson.